Theme Song #1
I wanna be a Care Bear. Oh It will be so great to when I'm a Care Bear
Oh I can hardly wait to be a Care Bear and do the things Care Bears do.
Oh I wanna be a Care Bear Like you! You do?
I'll be like Funshine and make the sunshine
And have heart like Love-a-Lot.
I'll be like Wish Bear and always be there.
We'll be the luckiest bears in Care-a-Lot.
I wanna be a Care Bear and fill the world with love
To be a Care Bear is what I'm dreaming of.
We'll make a great pair. We'll stick together through and through Like glue.
I don't wanna be a cook or a fireman and I don't wanna play trombone in the marching band.
I just wanna be a care Bear Like you! I just wanna be a Care Bear
12/28/05
11/13/05
Jeff Foxworthy on Ontario
If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 36 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by, you live in Ontario.
If your local Dairy Queen is closed from September through May, you live in Ontario.If you instinctively walk like a penguin for six months out of the year, you live in Ontario.
If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving aro und the middle of his forehead, you live in Ontario.
If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time,you live in Ontario.
If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you live in Ontario.
YOU KNOW YOU ARE A TRUE ONTARIAN:
1. "Vacation" means going South past London forthe weekend.
2. You measure distance in hours.
3. You know several people who have hit a deer more than once.
4. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and then back again.
5. You can drive 110 kph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching.
6. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
7. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
8. You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction.
9. Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to your blue spruce.
10. Down South to you means London ...
11. Your 1st of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost.
12. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.
13. You find 0 degrees "a little chilly."
14. You actually understand these jokes, and you forward them to all your Ontario friends
If your local Dairy Queen is closed from September through May, you live in Ontario.If you instinctively walk like a penguin for six months out of the year, you live in Ontario.
If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving aro und the middle of his forehead, you live in Ontario.
If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time,you live in Ontario.
If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you live in Ontario.
YOU KNOW YOU ARE A TRUE ONTARIAN:
1. "Vacation" means going South past London forthe weekend.
2. You measure distance in hours.
3. You know several people who have hit a deer more than once.
4. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and then back again.
5. You can drive 110 kph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching.
6. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
7. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
8. You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction.
9. Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to your blue spruce.
10. Down South to you means London ...
11. Your 1st of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost.
12. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.
13. You find 0 degrees "a little chilly."
14. You actually understand these jokes, and you forward them to all your Ontario friends
10/29/05
I am not against Halloween
I'm all for it.
It is the only day of the year where you can go to a hospital dressed as Batman and pray for people without getting arrested.
It is the only day of the year where you can go to a hospital dressed as Batman and pray for people without getting arrested.
10/11/05
I always thought there was something cheesy about those French Canadians
Quebec firm abandons lost cheese
Last Updated Mon, 10 Oct 2005 13:50:57 EDT
CBC News
A Quebec cheese company has finally given up on finding $50,000 worth of cheese it sank underwater in an attempt to make it taste better.
Last year, La Fromagerie Boivin dropped 800 kg of cheese into the water of the Saguenay fjord, north of Quebec City.
Letting it sit 50 metres underwater was supposed to produce a cheese that would taste unique, but the company had major trouble finding its sunken cheese.
RELATED STORY: July 28: Bathing cheese raises stink with food agency
Divers and high-tech tracking equipment were used to search for the lost fromage.
"It's a mystery," said master diver Pierre Dufour, who assisted in the hunt. "All we know is that the cheese is no longer where it was left."
The company has given up hope of finding the cheese and is writing off its $50,000 value.
"It got too expensive," said cheesemaker Luc Boivin. "At some point, you can't be crazy."
Even if the cheese had been found, there were doubts about whether it could ever be sold.
In July, the Canadian Food Inspection Agency raised concerns about the sunken cheese. It said Boivin was breaking food safety laws because the cheese hadn't been analyzed at various stages of the aging process. That meant it couldn't be sold through retail outlets.
Last Updated Mon, 10 Oct 2005 13:50:57 EDT
CBC News
A Quebec cheese company has finally given up on finding $50,000 worth of cheese it sank underwater in an attempt to make it taste better.
Last year, La Fromagerie Boivin dropped 800 kg of cheese into the water of the Saguenay fjord, north of Quebec City.
Letting it sit 50 metres underwater was supposed to produce a cheese that would taste unique, but the company had major trouble finding its sunken cheese.
RELATED STORY: July 28: Bathing cheese raises stink with food agency
Divers and high-tech tracking equipment were used to search for the lost fromage.
"It's a mystery," said master diver Pierre Dufour, who assisted in the hunt. "All we know is that the cheese is no longer where it was left."
The company has given up hope of finding the cheese and is writing off its $50,000 value.
"It got too expensive," said cheesemaker Luc Boivin. "At some point, you can't be crazy."
Even if the cheese had been found, there were doubts about whether it could ever be sold.
In July, the Canadian Food Inspection Agency raised concerns about the sunken cheese. It said Boivin was breaking food safety laws because the cheese hadn't been analyzed at various stages of the aging process. That meant it couldn't be sold through retail outlets.
8/25/05
7/16/05
German Squirrels
Did you know that most Germans have a difficult time pronouncing 'squirrel'?
I don't care either.
I don't care either.
6/20/05
5/29/05
Footwear
Sometimes I wear cheese between my toes when I'm wearing sandals.
That way my feet don't smell weird.
That way my feet don't smell weird.
5/1/05
The Homosexual Agenda in the Flintstones
By Andy Borowitz
Newsweek
Updated: 7:30 p.m. ET Feb. 11, 2005
Feb. 8 - The ongoing campaign against alleged gay icons in animated cartoons continued today as a newly formed conservative group demanded that television stations stop broadcasting "The Flintstones" at once.
Harland Devane, leader of the group Focus on the Flintstones, said at a press conference in Washington, D.C. today that his organization was issuing the demand because, "Quite simply, everything about 'The Flintstones' is way too gay."
The conservative activist distributed a memo itemizing over 50 ways in which the self-styled "modern Stone Age family" series promotes homosexuality, but left little doubt that most of his concerns centered on the relationship between the two main characters, Fred Flintstone and Barney Rubble."Their relationship is more flagrantly homosexual than anything in Oliver Stone's 'Alexander,'" Devane said.
He pointed out that Fred and Barney are virtually inseparable, are never seen wearing pants and live together in the suggestively-named town of Bedrock.He also noted that the two men work together at a quarry wearing hard hats and construction garb, an oblique reference to the construction worker in the classic disco band "The Village People.""Do I believe they are gay icons?" Mr. Devane said. "I abba-dabba-do."
He added that Focus on the Flintstones' efforts will not stop at banning the cartoon series from U.S. television stations, telling reporters that the group is also "taking a close look" at Flintstone-related consumer products such as Flintstone vitamins and cereal.
"We are very uncomfortable with Fruity Pebbles," he said.
Newsweek
Updated: 7:30 p.m. ET Feb. 11, 2005
Feb. 8 - The ongoing campaign against alleged gay icons in animated cartoons continued today as a newly formed conservative group demanded that television stations stop broadcasting "The Flintstones" at once.
Harland Devane, leader of the group Focus on the Flintstones, said at a press conference in Washington, D.C. today that his organization was issuing the demand because, "Quite simply, everything about 'The Flintstones' is way too gay."
The conservative activist distributed a memo itemizing over 50 ways in which the self-styled "modern Stone Age family" series promotes homosexuality, but left little doubt that most of his concerns centered on the relationship between the two main characters, Fred Flintstone and Barney Rubble."Their relationship is more flagrantly homosexual than anything in Oliver Stone's 'Alexander,'" Devane said.
He pointed out that Fred and Barney are virtually inseparable, are never seen wearing pants and live together in the suggestively-named town of Bedrock.He also noted that the two men work together at a quarry wearing hard hats and construction garb, an oblique reference to the construction worker in the classic disco band "The Village People.""Do I believe they are gay icons?" Mr. Devane said. "I abba-dabba-do."
He added that Focus on the Flintstones' efforts will not stop at banning the cartoon series from U.S. television stations, telling reporters that the group is also "taking a close look" at Flintstone-related consumer products such as Flintstone vitamins and cereal.
"We are very uncomfortable with Fruity Pebbles," he said.
4/1/05
Sued By Spammers for $3.8 million!
Man,
Stories like this guy's get my irk up. It's amazing when we live in a world where spammers can find a way to sue YOU--the recipient of their junk mail!
Check out his anti-spamming website that details the story.
In a fast nutshell, he kept asking them to stop, and even after they did, he posted them on the site 'sue a spammer' and then got sued by them for defamation (for calling them spammers), and even after filing the $3.8 million against him for it, still continues to receive their spam mail!
So here's what I'd like you to do if you're reading this. I think this would be funny. Copy the link and post it on your own blog or share it with friends to do the same. Let's share this story all over the place so it spreads as fast as opinions about Terri Shiavo did in the blogosphere. Then, what can this company do? Sue all of us for posting on our blogs this man's story?
Stories like this guy's get my irk up. It's amazing when we live in a world where spammers can find a way to sue YOU--the recipient of their junk mail!
Check out his anti-spamming website that details the story.
In a fast nutshell, he kept asking them to stop, and even after they did, he posted them on the site 'sue a spammer' and then got sued by them for defamation (for calling them spammers), and even after filing the $3.8 million against him for it, still continues to receive their spam mail!
So here's what I'd like you to do if you're reading this. I think this would be funny. Copy the link and post it on your own blog or share it with friends to do the same. Let's share this story all over the place so it spreads as fast as opinions about Terri Shiavo did in the blogosphere. Then, what can this company do? Sue all of us for posting on our blogs this man's story?
3/28/05
3/25/05
Bread and Milk tabs
And you thought your family was weird.
My dad has been collecting all the milk and bread tabs that he finds lying around the kitchen, on the kitchen table or counter, and keeping them in a container on top of our microwave. It's some kind of point he's making about leaving garbage lying around. So now we started putting the tabs for any new loaves of bread we open or bags of milk into that container for him. he didn't appreciate it, oddly enough. So we stopped doing that because he was specifically collecting the ones left lying around.
So now to play with his mind, every morning when I have breakfast I take one of them out of the container and purposely put it on the table or somewhere, so he will find it, and add it to the container thinking we're slobs or whatever he thinks. Sooner or later he'll clue in when he notices that the tabs aren't piling up at all despite how many he believes he's collecting throughout the kitchen.
My dad has been collecting all the milk and bread tabs that he finds lying around the kitchen, on the kitchen table or counter, and keeping them in a container on top of our microwave. It's some kind of point he's making about leaving garbage lying around. So now we started putting the tabs for any new loaves of bread we open or bags of milk into that container for him. he didn't appreciate it, oddly enough. So we stopped doing that because he was specifically collecting the ones left lying around.
So now to play with his mind, every morning when I have breakfast I take one of them out of the container and purposely put it on the table or somewhere, so he will find it, and add it to the container thinking we're slobs or whatever he thinks. Sooner or later he'll clue in when he notices that the tabs aren't piling up at all despite how many he believes he's collecting throughout the kitchen.
3/19/05
3/8/05
Stinking up the library
Law lets librarians oust reeking readers
CBC News
SAN LUIS OBISPO, CALIF. - Librarians in a county in California can kick out readers who stink, under a law recently adopted by the system's board.
The 14 libraries in San Luis Obispo County have had rules that ban offensive body odours since 1994, but the policy became law after the board of supervisors adopted an ordinance last month that lets them oust reeking guests.
Visitors can also be asked to leave if they fight, sleep, play games, eat, drink, or print or look up illegal materials on library computers.
"The point is to make the library a comfortable, safe place for everyone to use," Moe McGee, assistant director of the San Luis Obispo City-County Library, told the Associated Press.
Yet some librarians are already predicting they could have trouble enforcing the new rule.
"What is bad odour?" said Irene Macias, Santa Barbara's library services manager. "A woman who wears a strong perfume? A person who had a garlicky meal?"
The county is located on the state's central coastline, halfway between Los Angeles and San Francisco.
CBC News
SAN LUIS OBISPO, CALIF. - Librarians in a county in California can kick out readers who stink, under a law recently adopted by the system's board.
The 14 libraries in San Luis Obispo County have had rules that ban offensive body odours since 1994, but the policy became law after the board of supervisors adopted an ordinance last month that lets them oust reeking guests.
Visitors can also be asked to leave if they fight, sleep, play games, eat, drink, or print or look up illegal materials on library computers.
"The point is to make the library a comfortable, safe place for everyone to use," Moe McGee, assistant director of the San Luis Obispo City-County Library, told the Associated Press.
Yet some librarians are already predicting they could have trouble enforcing the new rule.
"What is bad odour?" said Irene Macias, Santa Barbara's library services manager. "A woman who wears a strong perfume? A person who had a garlicky meal?"
The county is located on the state's central coastline, halfway between Los Angeles and San Francisco.
3/3/05
You are Tater Tots. Go get your own!!
Which Napoleon Dynamite character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Kraft halts production of contoversial roadkill-shaped candy
TRENTON, N.J. (AP) - Production of candy shaped like roadkill has come to a screeching halt. The decision, announced Friday by Kraft Foods Inc., was the result of an outcry by New Jersey animal rights activists who said the candy encouraged children to be cruel to animals.
"We take comments from our consumers really seriously and, in hindsight, we understand that this product could be misunderstood," said Kraft spokesman Larry Baumann.
Kraft plans to stop production as soon as possible and then sell off remaining inventory, Baumann said.
The fruity-flavoured Trolli Road Kill Gummi Candy - shaped like flattened snakes, chickens and squirrels, complete with tire treads - hit store shelves last summer and was supposed to be another offbeat and unusual addition to Kraft's Gummi candy line.
But the nonprofit New Jersey Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals thought differently. Earlier this week, it threatened petition drives, boycotts and letter-writing campaigns.
Stuart Rhodes, the organization's president, said he never thought his group's efforts would be so successful.
"Did I think it would happen as fast as I did? No. I guess like most people I've become very cynical. All too often it seems that profit rules all. This was refreshing," Rhodes said.
The state of New Jersey designates the NJSPCA the enforcer of its animal cruelty laws. Law enforcement takes up a large part of the group's efforts, but Rhodes has stressed more public advocacy since he took over a year ago.
This is the first time the organization has complained to a company about a product, Rhodes said.
Wm. Wrigley Jr. Co. is in the process of acquiring the Trolli brand along with other Kraft candy lines as part of a $1.48 billion US deal.
"We take comments from our consumers really seriously and, in hindsight, we understand that this product could be misunderstood," said Kraft spokesman Larry Baumann.
Kraft plans to stop production as soon as possible and then sell off remaining inventory, Baumann said.
The fruity-flavoured Trolli Road Kill Gummi Candy - shaped like flattened snakes, chickens and squirrels, complete with tire treads - hit store shelves last summer and was supposed to be another offbeat and unusual addition to Kraft's Gummi candy line.
But the nonprofit New Jersey Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals thought differently. Earlier this week, it threatened petition drives, boycotts and letter-writing campaigns.
Stuart Rhodes, the organization's president, said he never thought his group's efforts would be so successful.
"Did I think it would happen as fast as I did? No. I guess like most people I've become very cynical. All too often it seems that profit rules all. This was refreshing," Rhodes said.
The state of New Jersey designates the NJSPCA the enforcer of its animal cruelty laws. Law enforcement takes up a large part of the group's efforts, but Rhodes has stressed more public advocacy since he took over a year ago.
This is the first time the organization has complained to a company about a product, Rhodes said.
Wm. Wrigley Jr. Co. is in the process of acquiring the Trolli brand along with other Kraft candy lines as part of a $1.48 billion US deal.
2/19/05
2/18/05
As of yet unnamed story (part 1)
Hey there
I finally decided to write something, instead of just copying and pasting an article showing how stupid somebody is.
Here goes the beginning of a multiple part story:
A collaboration by Kevinasaurus and Stevie B.
Once upon a time, in a land far away, and in a time not long ago, and in no way a rip off of some other story, I decided to journal something so ineffable. Ok, I was lying, the land is close, and the time was a few years ago, and of course I would never rip off another story and tell it differently. That's very unCanadian, we save ripping things off for the Americans.
Anyway, I was driving along in my Ford Pinto on a highway in Swift Current, Saskatchewan to attend a charity event my friend Kevin was hosting at his hotel, The Jubinville. The theme of the night was Girl Guide Cookie sales, and a prize--a big life-size inflatable oreo cookie was going to be given to the person who sold the most. The reason I was attending was because I was supposed to be the keynote speaker. In case you were wondering why I’m sharing this detail of the story, and thought something happened and that I didn’t make it to the event, you’re wrong, everything went fine. My car didn’t break down and I didn’t pick up any hitchikers who turned out to be wanted criminals.
The man who won the inflatable oreo ripped a hole in it not one hour after the reward was given and had to return to his nursing home early, but my speech went over real well. Even the mayor of Swift Current was there, only I neglected to realize he was not there to hear my cookie-in-all-of-us-speech, but he was on official mud puddle making business. The village of Swift Current decided to get its own mud puddle they were too small for a lake or a pond. They named it Lake Bremner, only since there was so much oil and gas in it, it caught fire when they were having the official naming ceremony, so they changed the name to Lake Microsoft.
You see, we all know how terrible Ford Pintos are. Well, on my way out of the hotel, I drove through the puddle, splashing the mayor and everyone around him, and I got rear-ended at that exact moment and the Pinto caught fire! The fire started an explosion and all the spectators’ wigs burned off. Anyway, I got out unscathed--it’s a good thing I decided to wear my fire-broof batman suit that night. But not Chico who rear-ended me he was not so fortunate. NO!!!! Not Chico! Why you and not me!? How will I ever look his wife and fifteen kids in the eye ever again and explain to them what happened? However, he was driving a fire proof car (he was only killed by the collision) that looked similar to the Batmobile, so I pulled him out of it and drove off in it instead, leaving the town of Swift Current to clean up the mess of the pinto . Chico was a good man.
At this point you are probably wondering why I was leaving the event in the first place, instead of staying in that hotel. That, I do not know other than I’ve written the story this far without thinking minor details through, but oh! Now I remember, there were no rooms available at the Jubinville because there was a Star Trek Convention the next day, and all the rooms were booked by Spock look-a-likes. That and this was a small hotel that only had 7 rooms to begin with. So I figured I’d drive to Moose-Jaw,Sask where my Aunt Ethel lived. I swear I’m not making these city names up.
On the way there however, I got a flat tire and had to pull over on the side of the road. Just great! There’s no town or gas station for miles upon miles, and I don’t know how to make the batmobile fly, so I’m stuck here in the middle of nowhere, and somehow never thought to take Chico’s cellphone out of his pocket with me when I left him in Swift Current. And even if I did find a gas station, who in Saskatchewan would be able to service any parts for the one and only of a kind Batmobile anyway? I was out of luck, and decided to pop the trunk to see if there was as a spare, only I didn’t know what button or lever to push to get the trunk to open. Does the batmobile even have a trunk? I mean surely, if you’re batman and live in a cave, you try to get out as often as you can right, and stay in fancy hotels or stuff like that? So that would necessitate having a trunk to put your suitcase in. But I couldn’t find it so I decided to sit there and sulk.
Just then I saw a car’s headlights looming over the horizon. But something didn’t sit well in me, something…that indicated this was going to be a multiple part story and you’ll have to keep reading this next week to find out what happened.
A man pulled over, and got out of his car, turning his headlights off, and started walking over towards me with a revolver in his hand. And he was walking towards me with that thing pointed at me!
To be continued….
I finally decided to write something, instead of just copying and pasting an article showing how stupid somebody is.
Here goes the beginning of a multiple part story:
A collaboration by Kevinasaurus and Stevie B.
Once upon a time, in a land far away, and in a time not long ago, and in no way a rip off of some other story, I decided to journal something so ineffable. Ok, I was lying, the land is close, and the time was a few years ago, and of course I would never rip off another story and tell it differently. That's very unCanadian, we save ripping things off for the Americans.
Anyway, I was driving along in my Ford Pinto on a highway in Swift Current, Saskatchewan to attend a charity event my friend Kevin was hosting at his hotel, The Jubinville. The theme of the night was Girl Guide Cookie sales, and a prize--a big life-size inflatable oreo cookie was going to be given to the person who sold the most. The reason I was attending was because I was supposed to be the keynote speaker. In case you were wondering why I’m sharing this detail of the story, and thought something happened and that I didn’t make it to the event, you’re wrong, everything went fine. My car didn’t break down and I didn’t pick up any hitchikers who turned out to be wanted criminals.
The man who won the inflatable oreo ripped a hole in it not one hour after the reward was given and had to return to his nursing home early, but my speech went over real well. Even the mayor of Swift Current was there, only I neglected to realize he was not there to hear my cookie-in-all-of-us-speech, but he was on official mud puddle making business. The village of Swift Current decided to get its own mud puddle they were too small for a lake or a pond. They named it Lake Bremner, only since there was so much oil and gas in it, it caught fire when they were having the official naming ceremony, so they changed the name to Lake Microsoft.
You see, we all know how terrible Ford Pintos are. Well, on my way out of the hotel, I drove through the puddle, splashing the mayor and everyone around him, and I got rear-ended at that exact moment and the Pinto caught fire! The fire started an explosion and all the spectators’ wigs burned off. Anyway, I got out unscathed--it’s a good thing I decided to wear my fire-broof batman suit that night. But not Chico who rear-ended me he was not so fortunate. NO!!!! Not Chico! Why you and not me!? How will I ever look his wife and fifteen kids in the eye ever again and explain to them what happened? However, he was driving a fire proof car (he was only killed by the collision) that looked similar to the Batmobile, so I pulled him out of it and drove off in it instead, leaving the town of Swift Current to clean up the mess of the pinto . Chico was a good man.
At this point you are probably wondering why I was leaving the event in the first place, instead of staying in that hotel. That, I do not know other than I’ve written the story this far without thinking minor details through, but oh! Now I remember, there were no rooms available at the Jubinville because there was a Star Trek Convention the next day, and all the rooms were booked by Spock look-a-likes. That and this was a small hotel that only had 7 rooms to begin with. So I figured I’d drive to Moose-Jaw,Sask where my Aunt Ethel lived. I swear I’m not making these city names up.
On the way there however, I got a flat tire and had to pull over on the side of the road. Just great! There’s no town or gas station for miles upon miles, and I don’t know how to make the batmobile fly, so I’m stuck here in the middle of nowhere, and somehow never thought to take Chico’s cellphone out of his pocket with me when I left him in Swift Current. And even if I did find a gas station, who in Saskatchewan would be able to service any parts for the one and only of a kind Batmobile anyway? I was out of luck, and decided to pop the trunk to see if there was as a spare, only I didn’t know what button or lever to push to get the trunk to open. Does the batmobile even have a trunk? I mean surely, if you’re batman and live in a cave, you try to get out as often as you can right, and stay in fancy hotels or stuff like that? So that would necessitate having a trunk to put your suitcase in. But I couldn’t find it so I decided to sit there and sulk.
Just then I saw a car’s headlights looming over the horizon. But something didn’t sit well in me, something…that indicated this was going to be a multiple part story and you’ll have to keep reading this next week to find out what happened.
A man pulled over, and got out of his car, turning his headlights off, and started walking over towards me with a revolver in his hand. And he was walking towards me with that thing pointed at me!
To be continued….
2/11/05
Texas robbery suspect caught after leaving his wallet in store he robbed
EULESS, Texas (AP) - A suspect in a store hold-up was caught after leaving his wallet on the store counter, and then going to the police station to pick it up.
Joseph Fahnbulleh, 22, was jailed on a robbery charge, the Fort Worth Star-Telegram reported Thursday. A few days after the Jan. 29 robbery, he walked into the police station in Euless, near Dallas, to pick up his wallet after a detective called to tell him someone had found it.
"Once we had the wallet, we called him to say it had been turned in to our lost and found," Euless police Det. Marco Valladares said. "We don't really have one."
The store clerk said the man took about $200 US from the cash drawer after attacking him with pepper spray.
[Click here for proof I didn't make this up.]
Joseph Fahnbulleh, 22, was jailed on a robbery charge, the Fort Worth Star-Telegram reported Thursday. A few days after the Jan. 29 robbery, he walked into the police station in Euless, near Dallas, to pick up his wallet after a detective called to tell him someone had found it.
"Once we had the wallet, we called him to say it had been turned in to our lost and found," Euless police Det. Marco Valladares said. "We don't really have one."
The store clerk said the man took about $200 US from the cash drawer after attacking him with pepper spray.
[Click here for proof I didn't make this up.]
2/7/05
Mud Puddle
Don't we all remember the days of our youth?
Sometimes, when we were young, it was hard to make our mind concerning what we should do when a car drove through a mud puddle and splashed us with muddy water on our way to school. We had mere seconds to make up our mind as to whether we would rather go to school with dirty clothes, or go home and change and possibly be late for school.
So while that kid was making up his mind, I decided to drive by and splash him again.
Sometimes, when we were young, it was hard to make our mind concerning what we should do when a car drove through a mud puddle and splashed us with muddy water on our way to school. We had mere seconds to make up our mind as to whether we would rather go to school with dirty clothes, or go home and change and possibly be late for school.
So while that kid was making up his mind, I decided to drive by and splash him again.
Graceless at Grandma's
Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his Grandmother's house.
Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When little Johnny received his plate, he started eating right away.
"Johnny, wait until we say our prayer," his mother reminded him.
"I don't have to," the little boy replied.
"Of course you do," his mother insisted, "we say a prayer before eating at our house."
"That's at our house," Johnny explained, "but this is Grandma's house and she knows how to cook!"
Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When little Johnny received his plate, he started eating right away.
"Johnny, wait until we say our prayer," his mother reminded him.
"I don't have to," the little boy replied.
"Of course you do," his mother insisted, "we say a prayer before eating at our house."
"That's at our house," Johnny explained, "but this is Grandma's house and she knows how to cook!"
2/3/05
Question
How come it's not good enough to just speak 'white rapper', but some people feel the need to type that way on their blogs and MSN conversations?
1/28/05
Man chokes on Fish
MANAGUA, Nicaragua (AP) - A man who joked to friends that he would eat a fish live choked to death when the creature squirmed and lodged in his throat, police and coroner's officials said Thursday.
Police said the incident occurred when Jose Angel Torres Padilla, 22, was fishing with friends on Monday in the municipality of Dario, about 70 kilometres north of the capital.
Police said the man's friends told them he had put the fish in his mouth, joking that he was going to eat it live. But the fish squirmed and slipped down his throat.
Benito Lindo, coroner for the provincial capital of Matagalpa, told The Associated Press by telephone that doctors conducting an autopsy had found a fish in the man's throat.
Click here for article
Police said the incident occurred when Jose Angel Torres Padilla, 22, was fishing with friends on Monday in the municipality of Dario, about 70 kilometres north of the capital.
Police said the man's friends told them he had put the fish in his mouth, joking that he was going to eat it live. But the fish squirmed and slipped down his throat.
Benito Lindo, coroner for the provincial capital of Matagalpa, told The Associated Press by telephone that doctors conducting an autopsy had found a fish in the man's throat.
Click here for article
1/27/05
Having a lake named after you
When I was a child, my family used to take our vacations, sometimes, in British Columbia. We had a favorite place to visit, mostly, because of the fine fishing. It was at a Lake that was about 30 miles long and a 1/2 mile wide.
While we were around our campfire, in the evening, the local Indians would go from camp to camp selling their wares. They would, also, tell of the Legends of the area. This one Legend always stuck, in my mind. It seemed that, on this particular Lake, two Indian Tribes made their homes. They were, however, at War, with one another, from years before. There was an Indian Maiden, in one Camp, who was in love with a young Brave, in the other Camp, and they used to stand, on the shore, on their respective side, of the Lake, and chant Indian love calls, to each other. Even though they were warned, by their Chiefs, that nothing could ever come, of it.
One day, they just could not stand being apart, any longer. That evening, on a cold Fall night, they each jumped, into the Lake and swam towards each other in the Moonlight. When they reached each other, in the center, of the Lake, they embraced and, very quickly, froze to death. This act, so impressed the Brave's Tribe, that they named the Lake after the young man.
I will never forget, those wonderful vacations that we spent at "Lake Stupid
(author unknown)
While we were around our campfire, in the evening, the local Indians would go from camp to camp selling their wares. They would, also, tell of the Legends of the area. This one Legend always stuck, in my mind. It seemed that, on this particular Lake, two Indian Tribes made their homes. They were, however, at War, with one another, from years before. There was an Indian Maiden, in one Camp, who was in love with a young Brave, in the other Camp, and they used to stand, on the shore, on their respective side, of the Lake, and chant Indian love calls, to each other. Even though they were warned, by their Chiefs, that nothing could ever come, of it.
One day, they just could not stand being apart, any longer. That evening, on a cold Fall night, they each jumped, into the Lake and swam towards each other in the Moonlight. When they reached each other, in the center, of the Lake, they embraced and, very quickly, froze to death. This act, so impressed the Brave's Tribe, that they named the Lake after the young man.
I will never forget, those wonderful vacations that we spent at "Lake Stupid
(author unknown)
1/20/05
76 Ways to know if you drink too much coffee...
You answer the door before people knock.
Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
The only kitchen appliances you own are made by Mr. Coffee.
You ski uphill.
You get a tax cut for all the coffee you bought.
You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked.
You speed walk in your sleep.
You have a bumper sticker that says: "Coffee drinkers are good in the sack."
You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit.
You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
You sleep with your eyes open.
When you open your dish cabinet, and there is only mugs.
You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake.
You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.
You lick your coffeepot clean.
You spend every vacation visiting "Maxwell House."
You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there. You've worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week.
Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
Your coffee cake, must have coffee in it.
You chew on other people's fingernails.
Your T-shirt says, "Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's blend."
You're so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas.
You can type sixty words per minute... with your feet.
The only gift you get for Valentines Day you get chocolate covered beans.
You can jump-start your car without cables.
All your kids are named "Joe".
Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low."
You don't sweat, you percolate.
You buy 1/2 & 1/2 by the barrel.
You've worn out the handle on your favorite mug.
You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.
You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
Charles Manson thinks you need to calm down.
Every shirt or blouse you own has a coffee stain on it.
You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
People get dizzy just watching you.
You've worn the finish off your coffee table.
The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.
Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
You're so wired, you pick up AM radio and people test their batteries in your ears.
Your life's goal is to amount to a hill of beans.
Instant coffee takes too long.
When someone says. "How are you?", you say, "Good to the last drop."
You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee can.
Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.
Your hand is permanently shaped to hold your mug.
You'd be willing to spend time in a Turkish prison.
You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.
You're offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer.
You name your cats "Cream" and "Sugar."
You get drunk just so you can sober up.
You speak perfect Arabic without ever taking a lesson.
Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.
You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
You can jump to the moon.
You short out motion detectors.
You have a conniption over spilled milk.
You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.
Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
You think being called a "drip" is a compliment.
You don't tan, you roast.
You don't get mad, you get steamed.
Your three favorite things in life are...coffee before, coffee during and coffee after.
You can't even remember your second cup.
You help your dog chase its tail.
You soak your dentures in coffee overnight.
Your coffee mug is insured by Lloyds of London.
You introduce your spouse as your coffeemate.
You think CPR stands for "Coffee Provides Resuscitation."
Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.
Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
The only kitchen appliances you own are made by Mr. Coffee.
You ski uphill.
You get a tax cut for all the coffee you bought.
You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked.
You speed walk in your sleep.
You have a bumper sticker that says: "Coffee drinkers are good in the sack."
You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit.
You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
You sleep with your eyes open.
When you open your dish cabinet, and there is only mugs.
You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake.
You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.
You lick your coffeepot clean.
You spend every vacation visiting "Maxwell House."
You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there. You've worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week.
Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
Your coffee cake, must have coffee in it.
You chew on other people's fingernails.
Your T-shirt says, "Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's blend."
You're so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas.
You can type sixty words per minute... with your feet.
The only gift you get for Valentines Day you get chocolate covered beans.
You can jump-start your car without cables.
All your kids are named "Joe".
Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low."
You don't sweat, you percolate.
You buy 1/2 & 1/2 by the barrel.
You've worn out the handle on your favorite mug.
You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.
You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
Charles Manson thinks you need to calm down.
Every shirt or blouse you own has a coffee stain on it.
You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
People get dizzy just watching you.
You've worn the finish off your coffee table.
The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.
Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
You're so wired, you pick up AM radio and people test their batteries in your ears.
Your life's goal is to amount to a hill of beans.
Instant coffee takes too long.
When someone says. "How are you?", you say, "Good to the last drop."
You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee can.
Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.
Your hand is permanently shaped to hold your mug.
You'd be willing to spend time in a Turkish prison.
You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.
You're offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer.
You name your cats "Cream" and "Sugar."
You get drunk just so you can sober up.
You speak perfect Arabic without ever taking a lesson.
Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.
You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
You can jump to the moon.
You short out motion detectors.
You have a conniption over spilled milk.
You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.
Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
You think being called a "drip" is a compliment.
You don't tan, you roast.
You don't get mad, you get steamed.
Your three favorite things in life are...coffee before, coffee during and coffee after.
You can't even remember your second cup.
You help your dog chase its tail.
You soak your dentures in coffee overnight.
Your coffee mug is insured by Lloyds of London.
You introduce your spouse as your coffeemate.
You think CPR stands for "Coffee Provides Resuscitation."
Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.
1/17/05
A student's prayer
A college student wrote a letter home,
"Dear folks, I feel miserable because I have to keep writing for money. I feel ashamed and unhappy. I have to ask for another hundred, but every cell in my body rebels. I beg on bended knee that you forgive me.
Your son, Marvin.
P.S. I felt so terribleI ran after the mailman who picked this up in the box at the corner. I wanted to take this letter and burn it. I prayed to God that I could get it back. But it was too late."
A few days later he received a letter from his father. It said,
"Your prayers were answered. Your letter never came!"
"Dear folks, I feel miserable because I have to keep writing for money. I feel ashamed and unhappy. I have to ask for another hundred, but every cell in my body rebels. I beg on bended knee that you forgive me.
Your son, Marvin.
P.S. I felt so terribleI ran after the mailman who picked this up in the box at the corner. I wanted to take this letter and burn it. I prayed to God that I could get it back. But it was too late."
A few days later he received a letter from his father. It said,
"Your prayers were answered. Your letter never came!"
1/14/05
1/10/05
Little-Known Facts In Canadian History
- Technically, Rowdy Roddy Piper and Bret "the Hitman" Hart are also famous Canadian historical figures.
- It's a fact: During the War of 1812, British and Canadian troops marched on Washington and burned down the White House.
- It's a fact: During the War of 1812, British and Canadian troops marched on Washington and burned down the White House. (Just wanted to repeat that one for the benefit of our neighbours.)
- First World War -- Canada enters in 1914, the U.S. enters in 1917. Second World War -- Canada enters in 1939, the U.S. enters in 1941. Conclusion: Don't mess with us.
- July 2, 1867: Sir John A. Macdonald utters those stirring words that will forever be remembered by his fellow Canadians: "Me and the boys did what last night?"
- When he set up his equipment in St. John's to receive the world's radio signal, Marconi heard the world's first live broadcast of a Great Big Sea contest.
- Lester Pearson? Prime Minister, diplomat, Nobel Prize winner, world kickboxing champion -- a true Renaissance man.
- Tragically, Laura Secord was lactose-intolerant.
- The native guy who first told the British that beaver hats looked good on them was actually just pulling their legs -- fer cryin' out loud, they were hats made from beavers!
- Secret documents have revealed that it was actually Canada that joined Newfoundland in1949. They just kept the name "Canada" because no one wanted the hassle of ordering new stationery.
Again, copied from The Canada Page
1/6/05
Too Stupid to be true
Is this for real? Or is this just more re-inforcement to the idea we live in a generation where money hungry idiots can get the money they want from finding a way to make something stupid they did someone else's fault?
You need to read the article. A man is suing NBC for 2.5 million dollars because watching a person eat a dead rat on Fear Factor made him vomit.
I get that way too, where sometimes I see stuff on TV that makes me wanna throw up. You know what I do? I DON'T WATCH IT! I change the channel. Is there really anybody alive in North America that watches reality shows like Fear Factor not knowing what kind of stuff they'll see when they put it on?
Man, with the money I need to raise to go to Holland, I could make billions if I had of only thought of suing a TV network for not liking something they showed. This guy is either stupid or brilliant. Nope, he's stupid. We need a disclaimer at the beginning of every single show and every single commercial break for things. It's bad enough they have warning labels for every single common sense thing that nobody in their right mind needs to be warned of.
Unbelievable.
You need to read the article. A man is suing NBC for 2.5 million dollars because watching a person eat a dead rat on Fear Factor made him vomit.
I get that way too, where sometimes I see stuff on TV that makes me wanna throw up. You know what I do? I DON'T WATCH IT! I change the channel. Is there really anybody alive in North America that watches reality shows like Fear Factor not knowing what kind of stuff they'll see when they put it on?
Man, with the money I need to raise to go to Holland, I could make billions if I had of only thought of suing a TV network for not liking something they showed. This guy is either stupid or brilliant. Nope, he's stupid. We need a disclaimer at the beginning of every single show and every single commercial break for things. It's bad enough they have warning labels for every single common sense thing that nobody in their right mind needs to be warned of.
Unbelievable.
1/5/05
15 Things to do at Wal-mart
This was an e-mail my dad forwarded to me.
Subject: 15 things a man can do at Wal-Mart -- while his wife is taking her sweet time
1. Get 24 boxes of condoms & randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5 minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the restrooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone: 'Code 3 in House wares' . and see what happens.
5. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay-away.
6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. Set-up a tent in the Camping Department -- and tell other shoppers you're sleeping over; invite them in if they bring pillows from the Bedding Department.
8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask: "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
9. Look right into the security camera, use it as a mirror and pick your nose.
10. While handling guns in the Hunting Department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.
11. Dart around the store suspiciously, while loudly humming the theme from "Mission Impossible."
12. In the Auto Department, practice your "Madonna look" using different sized funnels.
13. Hide in a clothing rack . . and when people browse through, say: "PICK ME!!! PICK ME!!!"
14. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "NO!...It's those voices again!!!"
And last but not least:
15. Go into a fitting room, shut the door and wait a while . . . then yell loudly: "There's no toilet paper in here!"
Subject: 15 things a man can do at Wal-Mart -- while his wife is taking her sweet time
1. Get 24 boxes of condoms & randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5 minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the restrooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone: 'Code 3 in House wares' . and see what happens.
5. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay-away.
6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. Set-up a tent in the Camping Department -- and tell other shoppers you're sleeping over; invite them in if they bring pillows from the Bedding Department.
8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask: "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
9. Look right into the security camera, use it as a mirror and pick your nose.
10. While handling guns in the Hunting Department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.
11. Dart around the store suspiciously, while loudly humming the theme from "Mission Impossible."
12. In the Auto Department, practice your "Madonna look" using different sized funnels.
13. Hide in a clothing rack . . and when people browse through, say: "PICK ME!!! PICK ME!!!"
14. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "NO!...It's those voices again!!!"
And last but not least:
15. Go into a fitting room, shut the door and wait a while . . . then yell loudly: "There's no toilet paper in here!"
1/1/05
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