2/19/05
2/18/05
As of yet unnamed story (part 1)
Hey there
I finally decided to write something, instead of just copying and pasting an article showing how stupid somebody is.
Here goes the beginning of a multiple part story:
A collaboration by Kevinasaurus and Stevie B.
Once upon a time, in a land far away, and in a time not long ago, and in no way a rip off of some other story, I decided to journal something so ineffable. Ok, I was lying, the land is close, and the time was a few years ago, and of course I would never rip off another story and tell it differently. That's very unCanadian, we save ripping things off for the Americans.
Anyway, I was driving along in my Ford Pinto on a highway in Swift Current, Saskatchewan to attend a charity event my friend Kevin was hosting at his hotel, The Jubinville. The theme of the night was Girl Guide Cookie sales, and a prize--a big life-size inflatable oreo cookie was going to be given to the person who sold the most. The reason I was attending was because I was supposed to be the keynote speaker. In case you were wondering why I’m sharing this detail of the story, and thought something happened and that I didn’t make it to the event, you’re wrong, everything went fine. My car didn’t break down and I didn’t pick up any hitchikers who turned out to be wanted criminals.
The man who won the inflatable oreo ripped a hole in it not one hour after the reward was given and had to return to his nursing home early, but my speech went over real well. Even the mayor of Swift Current was there, only I neglected to realize he was not there to hear my cookie-in-all-of-us-speech, but he was on official mud puddle making business. The village of Swift Current decided to get its own mud puddle they were too small for a lake or a pond. They named it Lake Bremner, only since there was so much oil and gas in it, it caught fire when they were having the official naming ceremony, so they changed the name to Lake Microsoft.
You see, we all know how terrible Ford Pintos are. Well, on my way out of the hotel, I drove through the puddle, splashing the mayor and everyone around him, and I got rear-ended at that exact moment and the Pinto caught fire! The fire started an explosion and all the spectators’ wigs burned off. Anyway, I got out unscathed--it’s a good thing I decided to wear my fire-broof batman suit that night. But not Chico who rear-ended me he was not so fortunate. NO!!!! Not Chico! Why you and not me!? How will I ever look his wife and fifteen kids in the eye ever again and explain to them what happened? However, he was driving a fire proof car (he was only killed by the collision) that looked similar to the Batmobile, so I pulled him out of it and drove off in it instead, leaving the town of Swift Current to clean up the mess of the pinto . Chico was a good man.
At this point you are probably wondering why I was leaving the event in the first place, instead of staying in that hotel. That, I do not know other than I’ve written the story this far without thinking minor details through, but oh! Now I remember, there were no rooms available at the Jubinville because there was a Star Trek Convention the next day, and all the rooms were booked by Spock look-a-likes. That and this was a small hotel that only had 7 rooms to begin with. So I figured I’d drive to Moose-Jaw,Sask where my Aunt Ethel lived. I swear I’m not making these city names up.
On the way there however, I got a flat tire and had to pull over on the side of the road. Just great! There’s no town or gas station for miles upon miles, and I don’t know how to make the batmobile fly, so I’m stuck here in the middle of nowhere, and somehow never thought to take Chico’s cellphone out of his pocket with me when I left him in Swift Current. And even if I did find a gas station, who in Saskatchewan would be able to service any parts for the one and only of a kind Batmobile anyway? I was out of luck, and decided to pop the trunk to see if there was as a spare, only I didn’t know what button or lever to push to get the trunk to open. Does the batmobile even have a trunk? I mean surely, if you’re batman and live in a cave, you try to get out as often as you can right, and stay in fancy hotels or stuff like that? So that would necessitate having a trunk to put your suitcase in. But I couldn’t find it so I decided to sit there and sulk.
Just then I saw a car’s headlights looming over the horizon. But something didn’t sit well in me, something…that indicated this was going to be a multiple part story and you’ll have to keep reading this next week to find out what happened.
A man pulled over, and got out of his car, turning his headlights off, and started walking over towards me with a revolver in his hand. And he was walking towards me with that thing pointed at me!
To be continued….
I finally decided to write something, instead of just copying and pasting an article showing how stupid somebody is.
Here goes the beginning of a multiple part story:
A collaboration by Kevinasaurus and Stevie B.
Once upon a time, in a land far away, and in a time not long ago, and in no way a rip off of some other story, I decided to journal something so ineffable. Ok, I was lying, the land is close, and the time was a few years ago, and of course I would never rip off another story and tell it differently. That's very unCanadian, we save ripping things off for the Americans.
Anyway, I was driving along in my Ford Pinto on a highway in Swift Current, Saskatchewan to attend a charity event my friend Kevin was hosting at his hotel, The Jubinville. The theme of the night was Girl Guide Cookie sales, and a prize--a big life-size inflatable oreo cookie was going to be given to the person who sold the most. The reason I was attending was because I was supposed to be the keynote speaker. In case you were wondering why I’m sharing this detail of the story, and thought something happened and that I didn’t make it to the event, you’re wrong, everything went fine. My car didn’t break down and I didn’t pick up any hitchikers who turned out to be wanted criminals.
The man who won the inflatable oreo ripped a hole in it not one hour after the reward was given and had to return to his nursing home early, but my speech went over real well. Even the mayor of Swift Current was there, only I neglected to realize he was not there to hear my cookie-in-all-of-us-speech, but he was on official mud puddle making business. The village of Swift Current decided to get its own mud puddle they were too small for a lake or a pond. They named it Lake Bremner, only since there was so much oil and gas in it, it caught fire when they were having the official naming ceremony, so they changed the name to Lake Microsoft.
You see, we all know how terrible Ford Pintos are. Well, on my way out of the hotel, I drove through the puddle, splashing the mayor and everyone around him, and I got rear-ended at that exact moment and the Pinto caught fire! The fire started an explosion and all the spectators’ wigs burned off. Anyway, I got out unscathed--it’s a good thing I decided to wear my fire-broof batman suit that night. But not Chico who rear-ended me he was not so fortunate. NO!!!! Not Chico! Why you and not me!? How will I ever look his wife and fifteen kids in the eye ever again and explain to them what happened? However, he was driving a fire proof car (he was only killed by the collision) that looked similar to the Batmobile, so I pulled him out of it and drove off in it instead, leaving the town of Swift Current to clean up the mess of the pinto . Chico was a good man.
At this point you are probably wondering why I was leaving the event in the first place, instead of staying in that hotel. That, I do not know other than I’ve written the story this far without thinking minor details through, but oh! Now I remember, there were no rooms available at the Jubinville because there was a Star Trek Convention the next day, and all the rooms were booked by Spock look-a-likes. That and this was a small hotel that only had 7 rooms to begin with. So I figured I’d drive to Moose-Jaw,Sask where my Aunt Ethel lived. I swear I’m not making these city names up.
On the way there however, I got a flat tire and had to pull over on the side of the road. Just great! There’s no town or gas station for miles upon miles, and I don’t know how to make the batmobile fly, so I’m stuck here in the middle of nowhere, and somehow never thought to take Chico’s cellphone out of his pocket with me when I left him in Swift Current. And even if I did find a gas station, who in Saskatchewan would be able to service any parts for the one and only of a kind Batmobile anyway? I was out of luck, and decided to pop the trunk to see if there was as a spare, only I didn’t know what button or lever to push to get the trunk to open. Does the batmobile even have a trunk? I mean surely, if you’re batman and live in a cave, you try to get out as often as you can right, and stay in fancy hotels or stuff like that? So that would necessitate having a trunk to put your suitcase in. But I couldn’t find it so I decided to sit there and sulk.
Just then I saw a car’s headlights looming over the horizon. But something didn’t sit well in me, something…that indicated this was going to be a multiple part story and you’ll have to keep reading this next week to find out what happened.
A man pulled over, and got out of his car, turning his headlights off, and started walking over towards me with a revolver in his hand. And he was walking towards me with that thing pointed at me!
To be continued….
2/11/05
Texas robbery suspect caught after leaving his wallet in store he robbed
EULESS, Texas (AP) - A suspect in a store hold-up was caught after leaving his wallet on the store counter, and then going to the police station to pick it up.
Joseph Fahnbulleh, 22, was jailed on a robbery charge, the Fort Worth Star-Telegram reported Thursday. A few days after the Jan. 29 robbery, he walked into the police station in Euless, near Dallas, to pick up his wallet after a detective called to tell him someone had found it.
"Once we had the wallet, we called him to say it had been turned in to our lost and found," Euless police Det. Marco Valladares said. "We don't really have one."
The store clerk said the man took about $200 US from the cash drawer after attacking him with pepper spray.
[Click here for proof I didn't make this up.]
Joseph Fahnbulleh, 22, was jailed on a robbery charge, the Fort Worth Star-Telegram reported Thursday. A few days after the Jan. 29 robbery, he walked into the police station in Euless, near Dallas, to pick up his wallet after a detective called to tell him someone had found it.
"Once we had the wallet, we called him to say it had been turned in to our lost and found," Euless police Det. Marco Valladares said. "We don't really have one."
The store clerk said the man took about $200 US from the cash drawer after attacking him with pepper spray.
[Click here for proof I didn't make this up.]
2/7/05
Mud Puddle
Don't we all remember the days of our youth?
Sometimes, when we were young, it was hard to make our mind concerning what we should do when a car drove through a mud puddle and splashed us with muddy water on our way to school. We had mere seconds to make up our mind as to whether we would rather go to school with dirty clothes, or go home and change and possibly be late for school.
So while that kid was making up his mind, I decided to drive by and splash him again.
Sometimes, when we were young, it was hard to make our mind concerning what we should do when a car drove through a mud puddle and splashed us with muddy water on our way to school. We had mere seconds to make up our mind as to whether we would rather go to school with dirty clothes, or go home and change and possibly be late for school.
So while that kid was making up his mind, I decided to drive by and splash him again.
Graceless at Grandma's
Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his Grandmother's house.
Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When little Johnny received his plate, he started eating right away.
"Johnny, wait until we say our prayer," his mother reminded him.
"I don't have to," the little boy replied.
"Of course you do," his mother insisted, "we say a prayer before eating at our house."
"That's at our house," Johnny explained, "but this is Grandma's house and she knows how to cook!"
Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When little Johnny received his plate, he started eating right away.
"Johnny, wait until we say our prayer," his mother reminded him.
"I don't have to," the little boy replied.
"Of course you do," his mother insisted, "we say a prayer before eating at our house."
"That's at our house," Johnny explained, "but this is Grandma's house and she knows how to cook!"
2/3/05
Question
How come it's not good enough to just speak 'white rapper', but some people feel the need to type that way on their blogs and MSN conversations?
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