8/25/05
7/16/05
German Squirrels
Did you know that most Germans have a difficult time pronouncing 'squirrel'?
I don't care either.
I don't care either.
6/20/05
5/29/05
Footwear
Sometimes I wear cheese between my toes when I'm wearing sandals.
That way my feet don't smell weird.
That way my feet don't smell weird.
5/1/05
The Homosexual Agenda in the Flintstones
By Andy Borowitz
Newsweek
Updated: 7:30 p.m. ET Feb. 11, 2005
Feb. 8 - The ongoing campaign against alleged gay icons in animated cartoons continued today as a newly formed conservative group demanded that television stations stop broadcasting "The Flintstones" at once.
Harland Devane, leader of the group Focus on the Flintstones, said at a press conference in Washington, D.C. today that his organization was issuing the demand because, "Quite simply, everything about 'The Flintstones' is way too gay."
The conservative activist distributed a memo itemizing over 50 ways in which the self-styled "modern Stone Age family" series promotes homosexuality, but left little doubt that most of his concerns centered on the relationship between the two main characters, Fred Flintstone and Barney Rubble."Their relationship is more flagrantly homosexual than anything in Oliver Stone's 'Alexander,'" Devane said.
He pointed out that Fred and Barney are virtually inseparable, are never seen wearing pants and live together in the suggestively-named town of Bedrock.He also noted that the two men work together at a quarry wearing hard hats and construction garb, an oblique reference to the construction worker in the classic disco band "The Village People.""Do I believe they are gay icons?" Mr. Devane said. "I abba-dabba-do."
He added that Focus on the Flintstones' efforts will not stop at banning the cartoon series from U.S. television stations, telling reporters that the group is also "taking a close look" at Flintstone-related consumer products such as Flintstone vitamins and cereal.
"We are very uncomfortable with Fruity Pebbles," he said.
Newsweek
Updated: 7:30 p.m. ET Feb. 11, 2005
Feb. 8 - The ongoing campaign against alleged gay icons in animated cartoons continued today as a newly formed conservative group demanded that television stations stop broadcasting "The Flintstones" at once.
Harland Devane, leader of the group Focus on the Flintstones, said at a press conference in Washington, D.C. today that his organization was issuing the demand because, "Quite simply, everything about 'The Flintstones' is way too gay."
The conservative activist distributed a memo itemizing over 50 ways in which the self-styled "modern Stone Age family" series promotes homosexuality, but left little doubt that most of his concerns centered on the relationship between the two main characters, Fred Flintstone and Barney Rubble."Their relationship is more flagrantly homosexual than anything in Oliver Stone's 'Alexander,'" Devane said.
He pointed out that Fred and Barney are virtually inseparable, are never seen wearing pants and live together in the suggestively-named town of Bedrock.He also noted that the two men work together at a quarry wearing hard hats and construction garb, an oblique reference to the construction worker in the classic disco band "The Village People.""Do I believe they are gay icons?" Mr. Devane said. "I abba-dabba-do."
He added that Focus on the Flintstones' efforts will not stop at banning the cartoon series from U.S. television stations, telling reporters that the group is also "taking a close look" at Flintstone-related consumer products such as Flintstone vitamins and cereal.
"We are very uncomfortable with Fruity Pebbles," he said.
4/1/05
Sued By Spammers for $3.8 million!
Man,
Stories like this guy's get my irk up. It's amazing when we live in a world where spammers can find a way to sue YOU--the recipient of their junk mail!
Check out his anti-spamming website that details the story.
In a fast nutshell, he kept asking them to stop, and even after they did, he posted them on the site 'sue a spammer' and then got sued by them for defamation (for calling them spammers), and even after filing the $3.8 million against him for it, still continues to receive their spam mail!
So here's what I'd like you to do if you're reading this. I think this would be funny. Copy the link and post it on your own blog or share it with friends to do the same. Let's share this story all over the place so it spreads as fast as opinions about Terri Shiavo did in the blogosphere. Then, what can this company do? Sue all of us for posting on our blogs this man's story?
Stories like this guy's get my irk up. It's amazing when we live in a world where spammers can find a way to sue YOU--the recipient of their junk mail!
Check out his anti-spamming website that details the story.
In a fast nutshell, he kept asking them to stop, and even after they did, he posted them on the site 'sue a spammer' and then got sued by them for defamation (for calling them spammers), and even after filing the $3.8 million against him for it, still continues to receive their spam mail!
So here's what I'd like you to do if you're reading this. I think this would be funny. Copy the link and post it on your own blog or share it with friends to do the same. Let's share this story all over the place so it spreads as fast as opinions about Terri Shiavo did in the blogosphere. Then, what can this company do? Sue all of us for posting on our blogs this man's story?
3/28/05
3/25/05
Bread and Milk tabs
And you thought your family was weird.
My dad has been collecting all the milk and bread tabs that he finds lying around the kitchen, on the kitchen table or counter, and keeping them in a container on top of our microwave. It's some kind of point he's making about leaving garbage lying around. So now we started putting the tabs for any new loaves of bread we open or bags of milk into that container for him. he didn't appreciate it, oddly enough. So we stopped doing that because he was specifically collecting the ones left lying around.
So now to play with his mind, every morning when I have breakfast I take one of them out of the container and purposely put it on the table or somewhere, so he will find it, and add it to the container thinking we're slobs or whatever he thinks. Sooner or later he'll clue in when he notices that the tabs aren't piling up at all despite how many he believes he's collecting throughout the kitchen.
My dad has been collecting all the milk and bread tabs that he finds lying around the kitchen, on the kitchen table or counter, and keeping them in a container on top of our microwave. It's some kind of point he's making about leaving garbage lying around. So now we started putting the tabs for any new loaves of bread we open or bags of milk into that container for him. he didn't appreciate it, oddly enough. So we stopped doing that because he was specifically collecting the ones left lying around.
So now to play with his mind, every morning when I have breakfast I take one of them out of the container and purposely put it on the table or somewhere, so he will find it, and add it to the container thinking we're slobs or whatever he thinks. Sooner or later he'll clue in when he notices that the tabs aren't piling up at all despite how many he believes he's collecting throughout the kitchen.
3/19/05
3/8/05
Stinking up the library
Law lets librarians oust reeking readers
CBC News
SAN LUIS OBISPO, CALIF. - Librarians in a county in California can kick out readers who stink, under a law recently adopted by the system's board.
The 14 libraries in San Luis Obispo County have had rules that ban offensive body odours since 1994, but the policy became law after the board of supervisors adopted an ordinance last month that lets them oust reeking guests.
Visitors can also be asked to leave if they fight, sleep, play games, eat, drink, or print or look up illegal materials on library computers.
"The point is to make the library a comfortable, safe place for everyone to use," Moe McGee, assistant director of the San Luis Obispo City-County Library, told the Associated Press.
Yet some librarians are already predicting they could have trouble enforcing the new rule.
"What is bad odour?" said Irene Macias, Santa Barbara's library services manager. "A woman who wears a strong perfume? A person who had a garlicky meal?"
The county is located on the state's central coastline, halfway between Los Angeles and San Francisco.
CBC News
SAN LUIS OBISPO, CALIF. - Librarians in a county in California can kick out readers who stink, under a law recently adopted by the system's board.
The 14 libraries in San Luis Obispo County have had rules that ban offensive body odours since 1994, but the policy became law after the board of supervisors adopted an ordinance last month that lets them oust reeking guests.
Visitors can also be asked to leave if they fight, sleep, play games, eat, drink, or print or look up illegal materials on library computers.
"The point is to make the library a comfortable, safe place for everyone to use," Moe McGee, assistant director of the San Luis Obispo City-County Library, told the Associated Press.
Yet some librarians are already predicting they could have trouble enforcing the new rule.
"What is bad odour?" said Irene Macias, Santa Barbara's library services manager. "A woman who wears a strong perfume? A person who had a garlicky meal?"
The county is located on the state's central coastline, halfway between Los Angeles and San Francisco.
3/3/05
You are Tater Tots. Go get your own!!
Which Napoleon Dynamite character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Kraft halts production of contoversial roadkill-shaped candy
TRENTON, N.J. (AP) - Production of candy shaped like roadkill has come to a screeching halt. The decision, announced Friday by Kraft Foods Inc., was the result of an outcry by New Jersey animal rights activists who said the candy encouraged children to be cruel to animals.
"We take comments from our consumers really seriously and, in hindsight, we understand that this product could be misunderstood," said Kraft spokesman Larry Baumann.
Kraft plans to stop production as soon as possible and then sell off remaining inventory, Baumann said.
The fruity-flavoured Trolli Road Kill Gummi Candy - shaped like flattened snakes, chickens and squirrels, complete with tire treads - hit store shelves last summer and was supposed to be another offbeat and unusual addition to Kraft's Gummi candy line.
But the nonprofit New Jersey Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals thought differently. Earlier this week, it threatened petition drives, boycotts and letter-writing campaigns.
Stuart Rhodes, the organization's president, said he never thought his group's efforts would be so successful.
"Did I think it would happen as fast as I did? No. I guess like most people I've become very cynical. All too often it seems that profit rules all. This was refreshing," Rhodes said.
The state of New Jersey designates the NJSPCA the enforcer of its animal cruelty laws. Law enforcement takes up a large part of the group's efforts, but Rhodes has stressed more public advocacy since he took over a year ago.
This is the first time the organization has complained to a company about a product, Rhodes said.
Wm. Wrigley Jr. Co. is in the process of acquiring the Trolli brand along with other Kraft candy lines as part of a $1.48 billion US deal.
"We take comments from our consumers really seriously and, in hindsight, we understand that this product could be misunderstood," said Kraft spokesman Larry Baumann.
Kraft plans to stop production as soon as possible and then sell off remaining inventory, Baumann said.
The fruity-flavoured Trolli Road Kill Gummi Candy - shaped like flattened snakes, chickens and squirrels, complete with tire treads - hit store shelves last summer and was supposed to be another offbeat and unusual addition to Kraft's Gummi candy line.
But the nonprofit New Jersey Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals thought differently. Earlier this week, it threatened petition drives, boycotts and letter-writing campaigns.
Stuart Rhodes, the organization's president, said he never thought his group's efforts would be so successful.
"Did I think it would happen as fast as I did? No. I guess like most people I've become very cynical. All too often it seems that profit rules all. This was refreshing," Rhodes said.
The state of New Jersey designates the NJSPCA the enforcer of its animal cruelty laws. Law enforcement takes up a large part of the group's efforts, but Rhodes has stressed more public advocacy since he took over a year ago.
This is the first time the organization has complained to a company about a product, Rhodes said.
Wm. Wrigley Jr. Co. is in the process of acquiring the Trolli brand along with other Kraft candy lines as part of a $1.48 billion US deal.
2/19/05
2/18/05
As of yet unnamed story (part 1)
Hey there
I finally decided to write something, instead of just copying and pasting an article showing how stupid somebody is.
Here goes the beginning of a multiple part story:
A collaboration by Kevinasaurus and Stevie B.
Once upon a time, in a land far away, and in a time not long ago, and in no way a rip off of some other story, I decided to journal something so ineffable. Ok, I was lying, the land is close, and the time was a few years ago, and of course I would never rip off another story and tell it differently. That's very unCanadian, we save ripping things off for the Americans.
Anyway, I was driving along in my Ford Pinto on a highway in Swift Current, Saskatchewan to attend a charity event my friend Kevin was hosting at his hotel, The Jubinville. The theme of the night was Girl Guide Cookie sales, and a prize--a big life-size inflatable oreo cookie was going to be given to the person who sold the most. The reason I was attending was because I was supposed to be the keynote speaker. In case you were wondering why I’m sharing this detail of the story, and thought something happened and that I didn’t make it to the event, you’re wrong, everything went fine. My car didn’t break down and I didn’t pick up any hitchikers who turned out to be wanted criminals.
The man who won the inflatable oreo ripped a hole in it not one hour after the reward was given and had to return to his nursing home early, but my speech went over real well. Even the mayor of Swift Current was there, only I neglected to realize he was not there to hear my cookie-in-all-of-us-speech, but he was on official mud puddle making business. The village of Swift Current decided to get its own mud puddle they were too small for a lake or a pond. They named it Lake Bremner, only since there was so much oil and gas in it, it caught fire when they were having the official naming ceremony, so they changed the name to Lake Microsoft.
You see, we all know how terrible Ford Pintos are. Well, on my way out of the hotel, I drove through the puddle, splashing the mayor and everyone around him, and I got rear-ended at that exact moment and the Pinto caught fire! The fire started an explosion and all the spectators’ wigs burned off. Anyway, I got out unscathed--it’s a good thing I decided to wear my fire-broof batman suit that night. But not Chico who rear-ended me he was not so fortunate. NO!!!! Not Chico! Why you and not me!? How will I ever look his wife and fifteen kids in the eye ever again and explain to them what happened? However, he was driving a fire proof car (he was only killed by the collision) that looked similar to the Batmobile, so I pulled him out of it and drove off in it instead, leaving the town of Swift Current to clean up the mess of the pinto . Chico was a good man.
At this point you are probably wondering why I was leaving the event in the first place, instead of staying in that hotel. That, I do not know other than I’ve written the story this far without thinking minor details through, but oh! Now I remember, there were no rooms available at the Jubinville because there was a Star Trek Convention the next day, and all the rooms were booked by Spock look-a-likes. That and this was a small hotel that only had 7 rooms to begin with. So I figured I’d drive to Moose-Jaw,Sask where my Aunt Ethel lived. I swear I’m not making these city names up.
On the way there however, I got a flat tire and had to pull over on the side of the road. Just great! There’s no town or gas station for miles upon miles, and I don’t know how to make the batmobile fly, so I’m stuck here in the middle of nowhere, and somehow never thought to take Chico’s cellphone out of his pocket with me when I left him in Swift Current. And even if I did find a gas station, who in Saskatchewan would be able to service any parts for the one and only of a kind Batmobile anyway? I was out of luck, and decided to pop the trunk to see if there was as a spare, only I didn’t know what button or lever to push to get the trunk to open. Does the batmobile even have a trunk? I mean surely, if you’re batman and live in a cave, you try to get out as often as you can right, and stay in fancy hotels or stuff like that? So that would necessitate having a trunk to put your suitcase in. But I couldn’t find it so I decided to sit there and sulk.
Just then I saw a car’s headlights looming over the horizon. But something didn’t sit well in me, something…that indicated this was going to be a multiple part story and you’ll have to keep reading this next week to find out what happened.
A man pulled over, and got out of his car, turning his headlights off, and started walking over towards me with a revolver in his hand. And he was walking towards me with that thing pointed at me!
To be continued….
I finally decided to write something, instead of just copying and pasting an article showing how stupid somebody is.
Here goes the beginning of a multiple part story:
A collaboration by Kevinasaurus and Stevie B.
Once upon a time, in a land far away, and in a time not long ago, and in no way a rip off of some other story, I decided to journal something so ineffable. Ok, I was lying, the land is close, and the time was a few years ago, and of course I would never rip off another story and tell it differently. That's very unCanadian, we save ripping things off for the Americans.
Anyway, I was driving along in my Ford Pinto on a highway in Swift Current, Saskatchewan to attend a charity event my friend Kevin was hosting at his hotel, The Jubinville. The theme of the night was Girl Guide Cookie sales, and a prize--a big life-size inflatable oreo cookie was going to be given to the person who sold the most. The reason I was attending was because I was supposed to be the keynote speaker. In case you were wondering why I’m sharing this detail of the story, and thought something happened and that I didn’t make it to the event, you’re wrong, everything went fine. My car didn’t break down and I didn’t pick up any hitchikers who turned out to be wanted criminals.
The man who won the inflatable oreo ripped a hole in it not one hour after the reward was given and had to return to his nursing home early, but my speech went over real well. Even the mayor of Swift Current was there, only I neglected to realize he was not there to hear my cookie-in-all-of-us-speech, but he was on official mud puddle making business. The village of Swift Current decided to get its own mud puddle they were too small for a lake or a pond. They named it Lake Bremner, only since there was so much oil and gas in it, it caught fire when they were having the official naming ceremony, so they changed the name to Lake Microsoft.
You see, we all know how terrible Ford Pintos are. Well, on my way out of the hotel, I drove through the puddle, splashing the mayor and everyone around him, and I got rear-ended at that exact moment and the Pinto caught fire! The fire started an explosion and all the spectators’ wigs burned off. Anyway, I got out unscathed--it’s a good thing I decided to wear my fire-broof batman suit that night. But not Chico who rear-ended me he was not so fortunate. NO!!!! Not Chico! Why you and not me!? How will I ever look his wife and fifteen kids in the eye ever again and explain to them what happened? However, he was driving a fire proof car (he was only killed by the collision) that looked similar to the Batmobile, so I pulled him out of it and drove off in it instead, leaving the town of Swift Current to clean up the mess of the pinto . Chico was a good man.
At this point you are probably wondering why I was leaving the event in the first place, instead of staying in that hotel. That, I do not know other than I’ve written the story this far without thinking minor details through, but oh! Now I remember, there were no rooms available at the Jubinville because there was a Star Trek Convention the next day, and all the rooms were booked by Spock look-a-likes. That and this was a small hotel that only had 7 rooms to begin with. So I figured I’d drive to Moose-Jaw,Sask where my Aunt Ethel lived. I swear I’m not making these city names up.
On the way there however, I got a flat tire and had to pull over on the side of the road. Just great! There’s no town or gas station for miles upon miles, and I don’t know how to make the batmobile fly, so I’m stuck here in the middle of nowhere, and somehow never thought to take Chico’s cellphone out of his pocket with me when I left him in Swift Current. And even if I did find a gas station, who in Saskatchewan would be able to service any parts for the one and only of a kind Batmobile anyway? I was out of luck, and decided to pop the trunk to see if there was as a spare, only I didn’t know what button or lever to push to get the trunk to open. Does the batmobile even have a trunk? I mean surely, if you’re batman and live in a cave, you try to get out as often as you can right, and stay in fancy hotels or stuff like that? So that would necessitate having a trunk to put your suitcase in. But I couldn’t find it so I decided to sit there and sulk.
Just then I saw a car’s headlights looming over the horizon. But something didn’t sit well in me, something…that indicated this was going to be a multiple part story and you’ll have to keep reading this next week to find out what happened.
A man pulled over, and got out of his car, turning his headlights off, and started walking over towards me with a revolver in his hand. And he was walking towards me with that thing pointed at me!
To be continued….
2/11/05
Texas robbery suspect caught after leaving his wallet in store he robbed
EULESS, Texas (AP) - A suspect in a store hold-up was caught after leaving his wallet on the store counter, and then going to the police station to pick it up.
Joseph Fahnbulleh, 22, was jailed on a robbery charge, the Fort Worth Star-Telegram reported Thursday. A few days after the Jan. 29 robbery, he walked into the police station in Euless, near Dallas, to pick up his wallet after a detective called to tell him someone had found it.
"Once we had the wallet, we called him to say it had been turned in to our lost and found," Euless police Det. Marco Valladares said. "We don't really have one."
The store clerk said the man took about $200 US from the cash drawer after attacking him with pepper spray.
[Click here for proof I didn't make this up.]
Joseph Fahnbulleh, 22, was jailed on a robbery charge, the Fort Worth Star-Telegram reported Thursday. A few days after the Jan. 29 robbery, he walked into the police station in Euless, near Dallas, to pick up his wallet after a detective called to tell him someone had found it.
"Once we had the wallet, we called him to say it had been turned in to our lost and found," Euless police Det. Marco Valladares said. "We don't really have one."
The store clerk said the man took about $200 US from the cash drawer after attacking him with pepper spray.
[Click here for proof I didn't make this up.]
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