Captain's Blog

Captain's Log , Star date 444555667

We have just finished circling the planet Krypton. The crew of the USS Sappy have finished our 7500 year mission to the Chunky Galaxy. We originally were here on a 4 year mission, but someone accidentally typed too many extra zeros on the keypad when programming our cryogenic sleeping chambers. Now our command post no longer exists and we've lost contact with all the original people we were in touch with back on planet earth. In the earth's place was some kind of strange red substance floating all through outer space instead in large particles.

We sent three of our crew in space suits to try collecting this stuff and running tests on samples of it. After many days and numerous 'round the clock tests, our lab concluded exactly what I had suspected all along--that this substance was indeed strawberry jam. Whether or not this jam had anything to do with the earth's extinction while we were asleep is anyone's guess, but it was good, and we had to get more.

Nobody wanted to go out there, but man that jam was good. Sometimes my insatiable appetite for strawberry jam gets me in trouble as we had our first and only fatality in the newly formed strawberry galaxy of our former home. Why?! Why do I always put my crew in danger? Well, some danger comes with the privilege of being a crew member on board the USS Sappy. A synonym for Sappy is Adventure, so my crew know what to expect.

I just had to have more of that space jam, and none of my crew wanted to go out there and get me some, so I ordered Ensign Chico, lowest in seniority to stop snapping back at me about the dangers of impending comet storms coming our way, and go get me some of that delicious jam! He complied, and while he was outside, we forgot he was still attached to the stren of the ship via an oxygen hose, and a massive storm of comets started hurtling toward the Sappy. We hit warp speed and Chico was dragged through 400 million miles of space at warp speed. It wasn't until my appetite for more jam was unbearable and when I wanted to quench it that I asked about that jam--then it hit me! NO!!!!! Not Chico! How will I look his wife and 15 kids in the eye and tell them about how he died--getting his capatain jam! And it was unfortunate for us, because Chico was the only one who knew how to navigate the ship, so we actually were stuck in outerspace. Oh well, I had first dibs on his phazer, so it wasn't that bad of a loss. Plus, his wife and 15 kids were probably long dead anyway, and he probably had millions of descendants by now somewhere some place in the Galaxy.

Many more are the adventures that I'm sure await the crew and family of the USS Sappy, that I think it best to end here. Many questions arise, like is there life in outer space, and if so, do they like strawberry jam? I sure hope so, cuz I'd like to get some more.

Captain out.